social media thoughts, and a brief hello to Jason Isaacs

Oh, heartless July! How thy arrival dost break my heart. It is Jul 1, which means in about 28 days I will (deep breath) be back at school. Work. Oh, I cannot speak of this! I will not! My soul weeps for it.

So. Let's talk about something else....social media. Because I have thoughts in my brain to get out.

I've been instagramming (you can see for yourself HERE) and twittering/tweeting/whatever (you can see for yourself HERE) up a storm lately. So much so, I've started neglecting Facebook. Which I never thought I'd ever type or say, because Facebook has kind of been sort of an addiction for me for awhile. I find it great for feeding my Schadenfreude.

But here's a thing about me: when I start eating, say, a bag of a new kind of Hershey's kisses, and discover they taste really delightful? I'm all: Why stop at just one? Suddenly I'm waking up at 5 AM, with a massive migraine, I'm covered head-to-toe in chocolate, there's an empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to me, and I have no idea where my clothes are, why this naked plastic store mannequin is next to me or how it got there. I'm like a human version of  The Hangover. (But only The Hangover 1; the sequels were both crap, and I am many things, but I am not The Hangover parts 2 or 3.)

So this summer I've dived into the Twitter & Instagram worlds head first without checking the water temperature or depth which is usually how I like to do things, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Since it's me: probably bad.

On Twitter, I have many more followers than I did June 1, but I can't seem to figure out how to make my number of followERS be bigger than my number of followING, which I hear is important to do (who knows why? not me). The problem is I keep finding cool people or organizations to follow, and once I follow one, then I end up following 2 million more. Because if the first piece of chocolate is good, just eat the entire box.

In addition, I'd say--ratio-wise, at least--for every one new female follower I get, I get ten new male followers. Which I'm fine with; I'm all about gender equality, and I like men. But I don't know if the male followers are following me because hooray! another writer!...or are they following me because they want a date? I don't have an answer to that, because nobody really significantly interacts with anyone on Twitter as far as I can see.

Such a weird universe, that place. So many people ignore you when you reply to one of their tweets or retweet or whatever. Or I'll have a nice interaction with someone and then that's it. Done. They're gone. It's like going to a party, meeting someone really cool, they ask you out for coffee and then don't show up. But I don't want to look weird or desperate or stalker-y so I leave it alone. I'm already worried about how much I use the @jasonsfolly twitter handle and reply to his pictures on Instagram.

Dear Jason Isaacs, (1) Hello to you and (2) I swear I only respond when I have something tremendously witty or positive to say. However and also: I promised him on Instagram I'd be completely ridiculous with my friends about promoting the TV show he's making right now. It's called DIG, I think it'll be on television this fall? I'm sorry I don't have an exact date. And it looks like it has all the things I love in a story. If you liked The Da Vinci Code--which I did not, sorry, but I liked the CONCEPT and the intrigue/ideas behind The Da Vinci Code--you'll like this. (I will be promoting DIG a lot here over the next several months. And on Facebook. And Twitter. Because I promised Jason Isaacs I would do this for him. I promised him.)

At any rate, back on track: social media. This is my summary of Twitter interactions: On Twitter, you meet great people. You make friendly plans and then the other person doesn't show up for the date or you get busy and maybe you don't. But when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it, so usually I'm the one who gets stood up. Yet I plod on nonetheless, because I'm a person who believes in the inherent goodness of people, and so I keep hoping...I don't know what. Maybe that a ray of sun shall crack through the dark underworld and reveal all the treasures to me? Like Buddha's Enlightment. But on Twitter. (Buddha happens to have a Twitter account, by the way, but he's not as funny as God. So I follow God, and not Buddha.)

Here's what else I've learned this summer--social media bad behavior:

Example 1--someone will follow me, I'll follow them back, and then they'll try to sell me something. Which...what? I get all excited and follow them back because, on the surface, they seem like they apply to my life and then they want me to sign up for something and hand them some cash. That's called Bait and Switch, isn't it?

Example 2--someone will follow me, I'll follow them back, and then they'll unfollow me. Like, were they just following me so they could increase their follower size, and then when I followed them they dumped me so they could DEcrease their followING size? That's douchebag bullshit behavior and when I discover it, I unfollow them and say a little prayer they eventually end up sitting all alone in the Reject Corner at the Twitter party.

Example 3--if you're famous, and you're doing some sort of project that somebody somewhere can turn into something political? They will. And they will come after you, attempting to use your fame and your social media accounts to get attention for their cause. And if you don't play along, they'll try to ruin you professionally and say all kinds of mean things to and about you. And that's douchebag bullshit behavior, too.

You know what that reminds me of? When I worked for Sears in customer service answering the switchboard/directing calls, sometimes I'd answer the phone and say, "Good evening, Sears, Roebuck, and Company. This is Amy, how may I direct your call?"  And suddenly I'd have to listen to a 20 minute screaming rant of a crazy person upset about a dishwasher they bought last week. Some people just don't get the thing about protocol and going through the proper channels. Because I was just the switchboard girl, and not really the store manager. Take it to the store manager, people; leave the switchboard operators alone. They're just college girls working part-time for minimum wage and don't even get health insurance. Take your crazy to the top, yo.

Social media: a wobbly bridge to walk across. Thank god I only have 75 Twitter followers to worry about (possibly 5 after this posts).

My conclusion: Instagram seems friendlier. And they let you have more than 140 characters.