social media writing platform.

I found an interesting writer/reader place called Wattpad. I discovered it back in July, via the television show DIG (on USA!), which I've been totally slacking off on promoting (I'm sorry, Jason Isaacs! I'm so sorry--I've been in inundated with teacher crap). It's been moved to premiere in 2015, by the way. Moved from Jerusalem to Croatia because of war, moved premiere dates because of...television producer guy stuff (I'm just making that up--I actually don't know why). Television is a tricky medium.

Also, according to Jason Isaacs, Dubrovnik smells like pizza. This location/smell thing reminds me of two stories:

Story 1: I once had a South African friend with whom I went on a road trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. All along the way, she'd scream out in delight, noting things like: "Oh my god! This looks just like the French countryside!" and "Oh, this could be Namibia!" or "Oh my goodness! This is exactly what Switzerland looks like!" 

This leads me to believe that, should push come to shove, I really don't HAVE to leave the United States if I can't scrape enough cash together to globe trot--Dubrovnik, Croatia looks like Jerusalem...The Red Band Society is filming in Atlanta and totally making it look like Los Angeles. Places can look like other places, and I just need to go to different areas not even close to the places I actually want to be but use my imagination. Planetary location scouting, if you will.

Story 2: When I was in high school, some friends and I went to New York City for Spring Break. (Some kids go to the beach for fun...nerds go to expensive, overcrowded cities.) So we went to NYC, and every morning, we'd step out of our hotel and one of my friends would suck air into his lungs and declare, "AH! Hot dogs and piss! The smell of New York!" 

This leads me to believe that every city has its own smell. New York City smells like urine and hot dogs, Dubrovnik like pizza. I'm not sure what Atlanta smells like because I've lived here so long my nose is used to it now, but my guess is rancid smog in the summer and burnt tires in the winter (I know I'm not selling it very well--I'm sorry, Atlanta). (On Sunday mornings, my house smells like bacon--you could come there if you'd like a better Atlanta smell.) 

In conclusion: I'd never thought of placing Dubrovnik, Croatia on my travel bucket list...until I saw Jason Isaacs' tweets about its pizza smell and how well it substitutes for Jerusalem. Sold! Dubrovnik's now a place I want to visit. That, or I'll find some place in America that looks just like it, and I'll eat at Pizza Hut day and night to recreate its smell.

Okay. Let's return to my original point (I did have one):

Wattpad. I found this website because someone was hired to write a prequel leading up to the premiere of DIG (on USA!), and Jason Isaacs demanded, on Twitter, I take a look, and I will always do what Jason Isaacs demands, on Twitter, that I do (unless it's to beat up someone) (okay, actually, I'd seriously consider it, depending on who Jason Isaacs wanted me punch--maybe he and I would like to punch some of the same people) (sadly, I don't know how to punch, so nobody would actually be hurt). It's a very outside-the-box concept for a television show: give people in the know (that's me! that's me! I'm finally in the know about something!) information before they get to actually see the show. Make them feel special (me again!) and in-the-know (me me!) beforehand. Information that people who find the show via just channel surfing won't know about the show. This feels like an exclusive club, and as someone who's a former sorority reject, I like that feeling.

I will admit, though, I was all kinds of I don't know! What do I DO? about this, because this is a mystery/action/conspiracy adventure story, and I hate it when my mystery/action/conspiracy adventure stories get ruined by too much prior information. But I went and read anyway, nothing got ruined at all, and plus I learned: Lands. I could never ever work for the CIA or the FBI. But God bless those who do.

At any rate, the concept of Wattpad--what an intriguing writer-y concept. You publish stories, you build an audience that will hang on your every word, you get discovered by Random House, sell world-wide millions of copies of your novel based on a Wattpad series you wrote, it gets optioned by Hollywood, the splendid Viola Davis [who I've finally forgiven for being in Won't Back Down] and quirky/fun Robert Downey, Jr. star in it, Golden Globes and Oscars are won, and bam! You own a 500-acre chateau in the south of France and your very own island in the Mediterranean and Oprah interviews you multiple times and invites you to tour the world with her. (What? What?? That's my plan, okay? Get your own and don't be so judge-y.)

I think Wattpad is actually an app, but my phone's out of memory and won't let me download it, so I just read online. And I haven't written anything for it to build an audience/start prepping for my chateau and here's why: most of the stuff I've seen on Wattpad is stunningly BAD. The website is amazing, the concept is awesome. Just...from what I've seen, some of what is published there is stunningly BAD. Which seems to be a problem with a lot of sites like this on the internet: people just dicking around. 

Plus, I can't tell you how many One Direction fans have begged me to read and follow them on this place. God bless them--I don't want to be an a-hole and discourage people from writing, because when I was in 6th grade, that's what I did: I wrote stories about Michael Jackson falling in love with me and making up dance moves with my name on them. And later, stories about Charlie Rivera Masso of Menudo meeting me at a library (the only place I ever went in 8th grade because I was such a wild child) and taking me on dates to the movies. And so I really get fan fiction writers, as well as the One Direction story artistes. Once upon a time, this was my tribe.

But nowadays, in my 40s, there are two things in the world I'm supremely disinterested in writing about; fan fiction is one and One Direction is the other. I'm not judging fan fiction writers--everyone has their niche, that one's just not for me. I am judging the One Directioners--that band has infiltrated my life quite enough lately, thanks. (Miss M is obsessed, suddenly, with member Harry Stiles. I don't  know if that's how you spell his surname, and I'm sorry Directioners, I'm not looking it up. Go ahead, threaten my life--I know that's what you do. I've seen your tweets and I don't care. I've better things to do than worry about whether a teenager in Bismark is really going to cut me. Miss M threatens to cut me all the time, too, and I am not worried about her, either.)

At any rate, I've been holding off on writing there, because much of what I've seen just by poking around is sort of hokey and so...what kind of audience would I build there? Please know: I'm not trying to sound like a snob when I ask that--I really don't know what kind of an audience I'd build there (or if I could even build an audience there...since I wouldn't be writing One Direction stories). Yet, apparently, it can be a very useful social media tool for writers. 

And y'all know how addicted I can be when it comes to social media and its various tools.

But also (and mostly) I'm incredibly short on time these days--Life is hectic, and I have a lot of things in the writing oven: my new ghost story, I'm still working on the TV show script (put the word working inside " " because when I say "working," what I really mean is: "thinking up ideas for"), and I have a couple of short stories I need to clean up and start thinking about where to send out. In other words, do I have time? (I never have time.)

But I'm glad I know about this Internet place of writing! And I will most likely, eventually, add it to my social media tool box and use it, because the articles I'm reading from established writers who love it are intriguing and inspiring. And now you know about it, too, and so maybe you'll discover really awesome writers to follow there. And some sweet One Direction stories that will completely rock your world.

I can't believe I connected a post involving DIG (on USA!) to One Direction. I'm sorry, so so sorry, Jason, Anne Heche, and all the cast/crew of DIG (on USA!). When the actual premiere date gets closer, I'll make it up to you by promoting your show in obnoxious ways on my private Facebook page and my public Twitter account. I have about 200 Facebook connections and over 100 Twitter followers now! That's totally going to put you guys over the top in the ratings, I just know it.

Here, I'll start making it up to the people of DIG by directing you all to this interview about it by Carol Barbee (writer) and SJ Clarkson (director) talking about it  and making it sound very exciting and fascinating (and can I just also note how intensely impressed I am by both of them AND impressed by the fact women are so involved in the making of this show? I dig that.) (Heh. See what I just did there? I dig DIG.) Never mind. Just go watch this interview--you'll understand:

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