learned things.

I think this picture would be an awesome resource for me when confronted with a problem:
just how BIG is it, really? Because I bet most of my problems usually fall between 0-2, but I react like they're
levels 3-5. Just breathe, Amy. And give it a level.
I've learned some things about me since separating from C in June. Some of the things are things I've always known are true about myself, but maybe are just an integral part of who I am; what makes me me (be they good or bad). It is what it is, que sera sera. Other things are things I've always kind of suspected, but know for sure are true now. And some things are new revelations. I submit the following learned things for the Internet's amusement/entertainment/connection/whatever:

1. My temper. I have one. Except it implodes rather than explodes. I have a hard (really hard) time expressing anger to anyone other than myself or my child. I was getting there with C before packing up and moving out; the problem with this was that my expression of anger was completely new for him and he wasn't sure how to handle it; he was used to being the one in the indignant driver seat, with me being the object of his indignancy. When the tables turned, it left the whole foundation of our relationship kind of wobbly. People who are used to being super stars don't like to know when they aren't being very, you know, super starry.

At any rate, I think it's healthy to express - explode - every now and then. Over the right things. My issue is I implode, and often over the wrong things. Or sometimes I explode over the right things and then give in to the other person's ridiculous need to guilt trip and apologize when I shouldn't. Or I implode over the right things when I should have exploded and I still end up apologizing. I am the most exasperating, exhausting person I know. 

I don't know how to change this, but I want to.

2. My impatience. One reason I'm kind of a crappy cook/baker is my lack of patience. Can't I just stick it in the microwave and have it come out looking like it does when the Four Seasons chefs make it? Stupid. It's just going to get chewed up, digested, and pooped out anyway.

I'm kind of the same way when stuck in traffic, standing in a long line, and anytime I have to set foot in Wal-Mart (omg, I hate Wal-Mart; it is the very definition of "necessary evil"). I wonder if I've always been like this or if it's a learned behavior? I'm having dinner at my mom's today and may ask (if I'm in the mood for a long list of other less than stellar things that I've been like over the years).

3. My intense guilt. I've learned, since June particularly, I really can't hang with people who do the guilt trip thing. Because listen: I do the guilt trip thing every single day of my life, on myself. Don't need yours on top of it. I've learned people who resort to guilt trips on other people are doing it for the following reasons: power and control. And they always create the very situation they're trying to avoid. Not worth it.

But lands, I'm good at guilting myself for everything. I wish I were more Bohemian. It's my ultimate goal in life to be a Bohemian. Seriously. I want to dress like a gypsy every day, walk out of my house barefoot and hugging my tambourine, kiss and love freely and with tremendous abandon, and not give a flying crap what anyone thinks or has to say about it. (In my estimation, I'm about 1/4 there...I think when I stop feeling the need to blonde over my grey hairs and perform major body hair removal will be the day I make to the half-way mark.)

4. My procrastination. Not too much to say here except: it's always been a problem, continues to be a problem, still working on how to make it less of a problem. Like, right now I owe $182 to my doctor's office but I haven't sent them the check. Have the money, have the check, haven't mailed it. Why? Procrastination. I pay bills online, I don't have stamps. Need to go take the envelope with the payment inside to the post office for a stamp. Been procrastinating. Had 90 days to pay the bill, and I thiiiinnk I'm at 120 days. I don't know. I've been procrastinating looking at the bills they keep sending me, asking for their $182.

It ain't pretty, but like my temper and impatience, it's who I am.

5. My overthinking. EVERYTHING. If it can be overthought, I overthink it. I'm talking about things like deciding which brand of mustard to buy, not even just the big stuff. I'm actively working hard to change this about me; if I'm going to exhaust myself over exploding/imploding angrily at the right vs. wrong things, I'm going to send myself to an early Type A person's grave if I'm also stressing myself out with overthinking. 

When it comes to overthinking, I've learned people who do this do it because they like to play psychic and/or armchair psychologists, two head games I happen to be most excellent at. Though I think I'm a better psychologist than psychic, just because I've been through so much therapy in my life. (In addition to Oscar-winning dramatic diva actress, I think my other missed calling is highly-sought after/self help book writer/frequent Oprah guest therapist.)

In addition, overthinkers create problems that were never there to begin with and it always, you know...creates a lot of problems. Every single time I've imploded angrily over the wrong things it's been because of overthinking. Every. Single. Time. And every single time I've ended up less than happy with the brand of mustard I've walked out of a store with? Overthinking was the culprit. Every. Single. Time. 

Personally I think there's a way to be existential about practically everything, and the key to it was written in a really annoying Disney song called Let It Go. The Buddhists teach this as the fundamental core of their belief system and it's why I always tell people I love Jesus and Buddha and so if I have to have a religion, I'm a Buddhistian.  I'm only talking about the not-crazy Buddhists, though, because did you know there are crazy Buddhists? Every single religion has crazy people in it, even the religions that teach their people to Let It Go. Because you know what human beings are really crap at (I've learned)? Being able to Let It Go. Also: Is that song stuck in your head yet? Hope so. Welcome to my world. 

At any rate, I think I'm getting better at Let It Go/Buddhistianity/not overthinking. The key (for me) (besides singing the song Let It Go) has been to just consciously remove my mind from whatever it is by saying: In one week, one month, one year this thing isn't going to matter. And then I remind myself until I haul off and kill someone in cold blood there are no good or bad choices, just choices, and that everything I do, think, and say will land me eventually where I'm meant to be, so just go with the flow, yo. Then I distract myself with something else to think about or do. 

That's worked fairly well for me so far, until the moment it hasn't. Everybody slips up now and then, though, I suppose. And I think the key to accepting that is to, um, not overthink it too much. But mostly, I've just adopted an "it is what it is" kind of attitude about everything. I firmly, absolutely believe we are put here to love and accept each other as is; that even the most heinous of us (yes, ISIS, I'm talking about YOU) are here to teach and learn from each other. I've met people I so deeply admire and strive to be just like, and I've met people I never want to imitate in any way, shape, or form. But the most important thing is to accept and love people as is. If I'm overthinking things I'm not able to do that and that's not who or how I want to be. 

(Caveat: if someone shows you they're deeply troubled and/or abusive and/or not right for you, it is okay to send them light and love from afar and not have anything to do with them ever again - you do not have to repeatedly expose yourself to something or someone that stresses you out, and this includes family members. It is okay to do this. Be loving and kind to YOURSELF first and foremost; doing this will make it far easier for you to extend love and acceptance to others. And if, for whatever reason, you find you're unable to extract yourself from a particular relationship at the moment, it is okay for you to keep that person at extreme arm length emotionally and stop letting them in so much, so far. It is okay to protect yourself. You can protect yourself and still be a loving, kind person. In fact, you'll be more loving and kind in the long run, because you take care of YOU first; that's the key to loving and accepting the world as is - put YOUR oxygen mask on first, then start helping others.)

Also I would like to note I get the overthinker trait honest: I come from a long, long line of overthinking females. Maternal side. It may be in my DNA. But I've heard you can even overcome that. If you think about it hard enough. 

Last, this has nothing to do with my learned things, although I guess they're kind of things I've discovered how I feel about after two-plus-decades teaching elementary age children. So can I express some thoughts about these pictures? I saw them on Pinterest the other day and I feel these are things that need to be addressed:

Who the hell has time for this AND to teach? I see stuff like this on Pinterest and just think:

somebody either doesn't have a social life or someone has a full-time teacher's aide. I see things like this and think: Holy crap, our fire marshall would have a fit and give us a ten page violation write up for that. The fire marshall is the elementary school teacher's nemesis.
 Although in fairness to the hard-working fire marshalls of the world, a friend of mine once

had a mentor teacher who'd always say sage things like "Cute don't teach." 

THIS is what she was talking about, exactly what she meant.

 This is what they want kids to do today when they read. As a writer, I do this with a lot of things I read - I highlight things that really move me or make me go WOW, I write notes in the margins about character development or what I think the theme here is or why the writer chose that phrase or whatever. Or just thoughts.

So making kids do this isn't a bad thing. But what age are we making them do it? Because I'm doing this in 2nd grade, and it's the hardest thing to frickin' teach. And whenever I find myself going: this is the hardest thing to frickin' teach, the thing I think I'm learning about 21st century/Common Core-centric teaching is that if I'M having a hard time communicating it to them and/or THEY'RE having a hard time understanding it, then it's, you know. TOO FRICKIN' HARD. Which means it's probably beyond their developmental level, which means it's inappropriate for their age group.

Also, sometimes I DON'T make notes in the margins when I read stories. Sometimes I just read a book because it's nice to just enjoy a good story. When did "just enjoy a good story" become a dirty thing to suggest doing in schools? Can kids have some down time? I mean, they're kids.

I'd put reading for enjoyment at a Level 0 on the How Big Is My Problem? list.


stupid romance advice: a PSA.

I saw this on Pinterest the other day, and am compelled, as a PSA for all (heterosexual, but I bet homosexual couples can relate to some of the ridiculousness here) couples but specifically males since that's who the list is aimed at, to address the most egregious items of stupidity on the following Romance Hack:

This mess. This whole 31 item mess. Let's just analyze what the hell is going on here, because I really think people who come up with lists like this are fucking it up for perfectly good people in perfectly fine relationships. Expectations are a hell of a drug, and they're always the reason you're unhappy, I swear it. 

The following are the items from this list I have the biggest issues with:

#3: I mean, yeah, if she knows you're in the room and it's possible you may do that. I mean, don't sneak up on her or anything. What if she has a hot curling iron in her hand? That's an ER visit right there, yo. 

#4: I think you'd really need to evaluate your girl and the nature of your relationship before embarking on this journey. Leave her text messages AND voice mails EVERY DAY?? Doesn't that seem a bit obsessive? I like to get text messages from my friends every day, and some times more than once. But if I don't hear from them for a day, then I don't lose it or anything. And I don't have a problem sending them a text message making sure they're okay. Maybe the girl can do that for you, too. (Here, my inner Gloria Steinem is showing.)

#5: I dunno. Really? Wrestle/Tickle war seems like something I do with my 7 year old or that I liked to do WHEN I was 7 years old.

#6: Wouldn't it depend upon the nature of the relationship you now have with your ex? If you're friends, just friends, and your girl is secure with herself and with her relationship with you, then this shouldn't bother her at all. There are these things mature relationships have called "trust" and "communication." When you have those two elements, it doesn't really matter who hangs out with who, when, where, or why. In fact, if you wanted to have sex with your ex and you're open and honest about it and your current girl is okay with it? Then more power to you guys. 

#7: Stupid. Just insipid and stupid. Scroll down below for my thoughts on #29. Who the hell wrote this list? I'm beginning to suspect a jilted girl, not a guy.

#8: Just make sure your notes are short and to the point and not too sappy. Nobody wants to start a day off with a lot of sap.

#9: Well, I mean, IS she your girlfriend? Have y'all had a formal "hey, let's be boyfriend/girlfriend" talk yet? If not, I'd hold off on #9 for a bit. If you have, and you're both in agreement you're boyfriend/girlfriend-level status, then this tip seems sorta well, duh.

#10: Okay. I'm down with #10. It's the single item on this list I'd without any reservation tell any man: Yes, do that. Oh my god, yes. DO THAT.

#11: WHAT?! No. NO!!! First, she is not an infant. Second, you're going to break your back. Are you kidding me?! This screams IMMEDIATE ER VISIT all over it.

#12: sigh. If you feel it necessary to do this, then you're either insecure and need to grow up, or you're with someone who's on purpose trying to MAKE you insecure and needs to grow up, or you've got some serious issues with ownership. You are in a RELATIONship, not an OWNERship. Act accordingly.

If, however, the guy is threatening your girl or a strange man touching her in her bathing suit areas, then by all means yes: get upset. Call the bouncers/security over. And as they're dragging that douchebag out of the establishment, scream all kinds of nasty names at him so you're her hero (without getting your nose smashed in).  

#15: Really? REALLY?? Somebody's mad at you, and you think kissing/hugging is going to fix it? No. Nein, nyet, non, nope. Stop the invalidation and just effing discuss the issue.

#17: I had the biggest, most visceral reaction to #17.  No, I will NOT hug a stuffed animal from you every time I go to sleep, because I am not 2 years old. 

Full disclosure: I do actually have a stuffed animal I SOMETIMES hug (for comfort) to go to sleep, but I've been hugging it since I was, why yes - 2 years old. And my Uncle Joey gave it to me for Christmas. And I keep the stuffed animal in a hidden place because it's just a soothing thing I have. But if given a stuffed animal as a gift by a grown ass man to a grown ass woman? No. Just NO. It's...NO. 

Jewelry is nice...if you're THISCLOSE to being married. Otherwise, it's too much/too soon and thus either really creepy or trying waaaaayyyy too hard. And if things go awry, it's the first thing going to the pawn shop, I swear it. T-shirts/sweatshirts sprayed with cologne...this sounds like something teenage girls do when they want attention from One Direction - write a fan letter, spray it with some body spray by Britney Spears, and kiss it with lipstick on. But for a grown up? NO. 

And giving a grown woman all of these things together?Oh my god. Listen to me, just do this: just take her out for a nice dinner and maybe a walk in a moonlit park, man. Hold her hand, have a deep talk about something that matters to both of you, listen to her, don't judge her, make her laugh, laugh at her jokes...I mean, is it just me? Does it really have to be this hard? If she likes flowers, get her some. If she likes live theatre, take her to a play. IT'S NOT HARD. Just...oh god, please. NO STUFFED ANIMALS.

#21. I LOL'd the longest at #21. "Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)." Hoo my. I just...I can't even. Listen, gentlemen: most girls, in the rain, are like: aaaggghh! my hair is getting wet! i'm going to look like a drowned rat!!! I hope my make up doesn't run!!! I mean, if it works out and you end up kissing in the rain, it's romantic, yes. But you know where kissing in the rain is usually romantic? Under an awning. Just make sure your girl isn't getting drenched when you kiss her in the rain. And don't - DO NOT - ever put in ( ) what girls love. You totally look like an amateur. And that goes for you too, missy, the girl who probably wrote this list.

#'s 23-26. Oh, of course! All girls love to listen to YOUR music. Why not do this: find songs you BOTH like. BOOM, instant connection. #'s 24-26, well, duh, Captain Obvious.

#27. But what if she wants $10 million? Or a 5 star trip to Fiji? This seems far too open-ended for a list of this nature: Here is exactly, precisely what will make your gal happy. This, this, this aaaaannnd...oh hell, just give her whatever she wants. (Like a one night stand with Channing Tatum?) 

#29 First, refer back to what I said regarding #6. Second, go meditate on #12. Last, sweet, dear gentlemen: if you are with a girl who has a problem with you hugging other girls, or with you hugging your friends who are girls, in front of her? You are already 3/4 of the way to a majorly bad break up. Probably because (a) you read - and buy into - lists of this nature, and (b) you got yourself a girl, and not a woman. A woman doesn't care who you're friends with, and she's secure enough with herself that she doesn't care who you're friends with. I like both men and women, and I think friendships with each kind have benefits. I would never, ever tell my partner who he can/can't be friends with. That's not a relationship; that's a guilt-trip prison.

#31 Just ending the list with (totally) said it all. (Totally.)



I closed this blog a few weeks ago. Firmly and with great resolve. Something bad happened to me while I was blogging here - a lot of really great things happened, but the other thing was so big and fucked up...it just felt like I needed to start over. This place felt tainted. It felt sad. 

So. I re-opened another blog, HERE. But I'll be honest: that blog feels foreign and unnatural. That blog has cooler features - like I can do those Twitter card thingies on Wordpress; and I can write something up, hit publish, and everything just automatically...goes. Goes to Facebook, goes to Twitter, goes to Google+ (who the hell ever uses that place??), goes wherever I've checked a little box telling it to publish to. LOOKS awesome. Very fancy pants; could never figure out how to do it here because I just don't have the HTML skills. 

And yet. That new blog just doesn't FEEL like "home." 

And I really need to be somewhere right now that feels like "home." So much as happened over just the last month, I really really really need to be somewhere that feels like home. 

When I started this blog two years ago, I was in my old house, where it felt like home. And so when I come here, it feels comfortable and familiar and I feel like I'm home. I need to be somewhere where I can write, not caring about who the hell is reading what I type because when I started this blog, I really didn't care who the hell read what I typed. I was typing down the bones, for me. I was here for ME. It was never about other people, and somewhere along the way, it changed. It became about other people and who was reading or may read what I typed. And so maybe that's why the other place doesn't feel quite right. I set it up because I was going to use it to write for other people, and not me. I set it up because I was being defiant, and forging on. Or wherever my psychology was at when it told me: Let's start fresh! Let's start fresh and shiny! But that didn't feel like home. Because I am not fresh, and I am certainly not shiny.

I would like to write about what happened to me in great depth, because I have lingering ick about it, but I have a feeling that's a bad idea I need to save for a really rainy day years down the road. I think the person has finally gotten the message and (hopefully) has moved on or is currently moving on. I don't bear ill will toward that person; I hope they find their happiness and someone more suitable to draw their energy from. Taught me a lot about what I don't want in a friend, as I'm sure it taught them. Still. It was an experience that has altered me drastically - I am still trying to decide if the altering is a good or a bad thing. I feel like I'm sort of forcing a lot of what I do online now and that wasn't the case even a month ago. A month ago, if I felt a feel, I wrote about it. Sometimes I was completely wrong about my feel, and then I felt really dumb. But other times, my feels were right on target and that's always good. Which is the whole point of this place - to live my life out loud, and whoever wants to grab some popcorn and be entertained, great, or maybe someone will see something and recognize it and feel less alone. Now I measure what I say out loud, and that's never been who I am, really. I'm someone who strives to be authentic; what you see is what you get. So other than carefully being careful not to say or write anything that would get me fired? I said whatever was in my brain, I wrote about things that mattered to, or bothered, or angered, or helped, or elated ME. And now I don't know how well I'll be able to do that, but it's important to me to keep trying. However, I now think about things like audience - what person may be reading what I'm writing, and what intentions might they have? I'm only saying this out loud because if I ever come across weird or paranoid or bizarrely skittish, that's why.

And that's something that has drastically altered me in my online interactions but also offline to a certain extent...and I am still sorting out how I want to feel about that.

At any rate. I am not the same person who was writing here a year ago, or even two months ago. I am skittish. And weird and paranoid. I can be overly dramatic in ways that are extremely unattractive...I really feel like, up until about a month or two ago, this trait was fairly cute and one of my more endearingly quirky qualities. But now I think it's a little darker, maybe? On Facebook recently, I unfriended two people, two really nice and perfectly lovely people, over a couple of things of a political nature - one person I disagreed with, and one I agreed with but who disagreed with my mom in kind of a rude way. I mean, yeah, what you said was true but that's my MOM. Only *I* get to be rude to my mom. I think that, now, after the stalking (and it WAS a stalking), I just feel like: hmmm, how well do I really know you? If I don't know you all that well, and this internet area is for people I actually know, then...bye. But they were perfectly safe and fine and I completely over-reacted. I did the same thing on Twitter - if you freaked me out in ANY way, shape, or form at the height of that shit fest? Blocked. And I feel really bad, because I know for a fact I really hurt one of the people's feelings. (This would be the online version of what the military calls civilian casualties during shock and awe.)

This totally bites, you guys. And I've certainly altered how I look at social media and who I interact with on it and how; I no longer see it as silly and ridiculous and a place to meet a lot of potentially nice friends. I mean, I do...but I also see the slippery and diabolically seductive darkness to it, and I now completely understand - and believe me I write this with the deepest and utmost sincerity - why notable people, be they actors or singers or authors or whatever, refuse to acknowledge every individual's attempt to get them to interact with them. People are scary AF. I have met some really lovely, awesome people on it. I have made some friends I'd invite into my home without a second's thought. But going forward, that novel's probably finished. Because people can be scary AF. The end.

So I'm going to re-open this blog, simply because that other place didn't feel right and I need to feel that I'm somewhere that's home. I need to be able to type and spew and vent my spleen somewhere that's simple and mine. I'll forego fancy pants for awhile, because fancy pants feels forced and unnatural. I may change my mind (are you getting that this mind changing thing is a big problem for me?) a few months down the road, but this is where I'm at for now. I'm at a place in life I need people to be consistent with me, because I need to be consistent with me...and changing a whole bunch of things feels wobbly and unstable and inconsistent. This place feels homey and consistent, and so I'm going to park my ass right here and write. It's where I've thought out my thoughts best, for over 2 years. This place holds MY thoughts, MY stories, MY history, however screwy and tainted and misguided and totally off course and weird that may be. I like it here, and so I'm coming home. 

Scary people can come hang out and read however much they like - enjoy it, drink it all in, get your daily or weekly or monthly dose of whatever fucked up energy you feel is necessary to continue your process. If I'm somewhere I feel safe, then. Scary people aren't real. I'm also at a point where I quite frankly don't give a single flying fuck what other people think or how other people feel about anything I do be it online or offline; I question and hyper-criticize my own self enough every day, thanks. Be assured whatever negative, judge-y thought you may have about me I've already had myself, and about ten times before you thought it. Or maybe you're not judge-y and negative at all. We're all just living a life, right? Making choices that take us left or throw us right or send us deep into the murky wells of our deepest lows or lift us up to our highest highs. I've chronicled all of mine here, and decided I'm going to keep doing that until I no longer feel like it. Most blogs last about 5 years, I've read...I bet I've got about 3 more years of oversharing my emotional wranglings out loud here. 

Hoping that, 3 more years from now, I'll be back to the more open, carefree kind of girl I was...and I'll be somewhere that really feels like home. (And there, in that last bit, I am not talking about online anything.)

This pretty much sums up what I need right now.


last one.

I've had this blog since 2013. Quite a long time for me, someone who in the past liked to start, stop, and then restart blogs elsewhere. Like, all the time. I have a lot of memories here. This blog has kind of been my baby. It's chronicled who I am, where I'm at, what I'm going through...for two years. I've written silly ridiculous things, because at heart that's who I am. I've written about my little girl, who is my everything. I've written about the pain and sadness of endings. I've written about friendships and politics and crazy ass New Age stuff and all kinds of things. I wrote about the show DIG (on USA!) and my favorite actor Jason Isaacs visited, and liked what I wrote. And I've written about light and love and kindness, three things that matter so much to me. Even when these are not extended to me, or I get to a place of sheer rage and anger...I always return to light and love and kindness (eventually).

But mostly, I've just been here for a very long time, just sharing my life with whoever stumbles by. If this is you, thanks for reading. 

I'm going to say good-bye to this place. Partly because I just don't feel like blogging anymore; the joy has been sucked out of it for me. This blog feels tainted and sad. I actually don't feel like writing either, but I'm assuming once this tremendous ICK has subsided I will get back to work on that. But blogging? I dunno. It's a crapshoot; this place served me well for a good two years - I took some risks here, I know, but I'm not someone who's willing to live her life holed up in fear. (Full disclosure: currently, I'm living my life holed up in fear.) Because I'm a single mother now with a young daughter, and I need to feel safe and I'll be flat out honest with you guys: I do not feel safe on the Internet right now. 

The other day, I sat on the phone and cried in the ear of a police officer taking a report from me, relieved that I had a professional, official paper trail started but terrified I'd be in a situation at some point to have to actually use it. I'm currently researching temporary restraining orders. So you'll understand why an experience like that would kind of suck all the fun out of writing for a person, yes? You just have to be careful on the Internet, Internet. You can see I've removed all of my social media buttons...because they are all private now. As I will be on the Internet. For months and maybe years to come. 

But my memories are here, and they matter to ME. I decided to leave this blog public because words are important, and our stories are real, and it all means we matter. Even the worst, most frightening parts. Because I firmly believe this: we are all beings of Light, even the most deeply disturbed and demented amongst us. We are ALL beings of Light. Some of us are lost in the dark, but there's a dim light in there somewhere. And those of us who aren't lost in the dark? We can love those who are...without having to talk to them ever again or agree to a lunch date. And if YOU are ever in a situation in which a part of the Internet scares the living daylights out of you, or someone you thought you knew takes a very ominous turn, please know you (1) are not alone, and (2) there are people and places you can seek out for help, and things you can do. And also know, and please burn this deep into your heart: you are here as a spiritual being, a being of light, having an experience. You don't owe anyone any explanations for any choices or decisions you make, and you don't have to prove who you are or how worthy you are, no matter what anyone says to or about you. Don't ever be manipulated into thinking you aren't kind and good and perfect, just as you are. 

Take care of your Light. Stay safe in your Light. Don't let anyone else try to turn it off just because theirs did. 

Many blessings to you,


colorful psychology.

Well, it's November 1. Three things about today: 

1. It's the month of being grateful. Noting your blessings is important, and so I think every time I come here (in November), I'll start off with one thing I'm grateful for. For example, today? I am grateful for family and friends. I have a great support network of people I can turn to and be all weird around and because they're weird, too, they totally get me. And they make me laugh. And they're really sarcastic. Like, we can make the most gallows humor, hysterical jokes out of some of the most unfunny things. I love people like this. Thank God for them.

2. It's NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month - 50,000 words in a month). I will not even remotely be attempting it this year. Last year I wrote 5,000 words and Life exploded (as it usually does) and I drifted away from it, just like the adult-onset ADD victim I am. So how about this. How about I write 1 short story by Nov. 30, and send it somewhere or to several somewheres. That I can do. Thinking about writing 50,000 words in 30 days makes me want to crawl under my bed covers and never ever come out. (Thinking about writing 10,000 words in 30 days does the same thing. So this will be a very SHORT short story.)

3. I have another writing challenge, from my 30 (or more) Days of Writing Challenge. Here it is:

My Favorite Color and Why:

I actually have two - blue and green. Did you know that most people pick blue or green as their favorite color? And did you know that the reason they do this is because the colors blue and green remind most people of summertime, when most happy memories are made? (Blue reminds people of blue summer skies and water, and green makes them think of summer leaves and mown grass.)  I also like the color purple (both color and movie version). Purple is the color of mysticism. Purple is magic and wisdom and mystery. 

There's an old pop psychology quiz you can play with people (and I usually do, when I want a clue into their psyches) to learn more about what makes them tick. It goes like this (and if you want to get to know yourself better, get some paper, answer the questions, and then scroll down to see what your responses mean):

Choose a color, the first color that comes to mind.
Once you have that color, list three descriptive adjectives that describe it.

Choose an animal, the first animal that comes to mind.
Once you have selected an animal, list three descriptive adjectives that describes it.

Choose a body of water like a river, ocean, sea, or lake. (IE Niagra Falls, Mississippi River, etc.)
Once you have chosen a body of water, list three descriptive adjectives that describe it.

Let's say you are in a white room with no windows nor doors, list three emotions that you are feeling.
DOOOON'T LOOK!! (Are you looking?? I bet you're looking.)

So here's what your answers mean: 
1. Color - how you see you want others to see you
2. Animal - how others actually see you
3. Body of water - what you're like in bed
4. White room - your feelings about death

When I originally took this, my answers went like this:

1. Red - hot, passionate, exciting
2. Dolphin - cute, smart, friendly
3. Lake - deep, mysterious, lovely
4. calm, peaceful, claustrophobic 

Today, 23 years later? I'd give the exact same responses, except for color. I'm going to ruminate on why that is. Why did I change my favorite color? And why do I now have 2 favorites and a spare? (I've actually been doing this a lot lately, ruminating on why things are. Why not add some color to it?)