7.24.2014

book porn.

Interviewing one's self seems weird. Because I'm weird, I'm going to do it. Plus, at this very moment I'm supposed to be organizing my classroom library. Mentally and emotionally, I'm having a hard time dragging myself into my classroom, much less its huge mess of a little library. So instead, I'm going to rip off an Entertainment Weekly interview I read recently with my favorite writer and all-around awesome human being Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm going to pretend I work for Entertainment Weekly, and that Entertainment Weekly is actually interested in my responses. Then I'm going to respond to my own Entertainment Weekly queries. Which is totally not weird at all (in the world of blogging.)

MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BOOKS

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. As a child, I was obsessed (obsessed!) with both book and movie version. I would spend hours reading the books in the series (the first being my most beloved of all), hours re-enacting the movie in my room, and just generally loved (still do, quite frankly) the entire idea of a land that exists somewhere over the rainbow, where animals talk and there are good and bad witches and sparkly red shoes will take you any place if you just click them three times and wish very hard. If only real life worked like this.

In a related note, I was also a huge fan of all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. And the tv show. And often pretended to be a pioneer girl on the prairie. In a little house.

THE BOOK I MOST ENJOYED IN SCHOOL

The Great Gatsby. Because it was like a soap opera, only classic literature. School opened up literature for me--I feel well-read today because of it. I'd be introduced to a great book (like The Great Gatsby), which would open up my curiosity for more, which would prompt me to go find other books by the same author or genre. I spent a good deal of time my 10th grade year reading a lot of early 20th century literature because of you, F. Scott Fitzgerald. I also learned to worship Dorothy Parker. So there you go.

A BOOK I READ IN SECRET

As a teenager, I used to often sneak/slink off with a book my mom had. I've google searched for it, but I can't remember/find the title. Anyway, it was written in the 1960s by a mysterious woman calling herself "J." It was about sex techniques and ways to practice them without having sex. To this day, I cannot eat soft serve ice cream cones without feeling like I'm committing and/or practicing the act of fellatio in public. Thanks, "J." 

THE BOOKS I'VE READ OVER AND OVER

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. They're my bibles. My go-to, what-the-hell-should-I-do-now??, go-to bibles. Prescriptions for life, I'd call these books.

A BOOK I'VE PRETENDED TO READ

The summer before my senior year in high school, we were given a reading list and, for each book, had to come up to school to take (and pass, with at least 8 out of 10 questions correct) a brief quiz--just on plot points, to prove you read the book.

The books I remember from the list were: Cry the Beloved Country by Alan Paton (loved it), Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy (loved), J.B. by Archibald MacLeish (I read this play 20 times, in an effort to figure out what the hell it was about, yet passed the quiz with an 8 out of 10 nonetheless), and King Lear

That's right--King frickin' Lear. By yourself. As a 17 year old ridiculous person who just wanted to hang out with friends and swim for two months. The theory was: we were going to read Hamlet that school year, and somehow the weird play J.B. and King Lear connected to Hamlet and somehow reading these first would help us when we read Hamlet. Did they? No. Do 17 year olds care about connections? To be or not to be. Nobody cares in July when they're 17. Even Hamlet knew that.

So I saved King Lear for last, knowing he'd be a doozy. I, Scout's honor, read all the other books and got a good, solid, honest 8 out of 10 correct on each of their quizzes. Not bad for a 17 year old who just wants to sleep in late and work on her tan.

Then I began King Lear. By page 5 I was in tears--no way could I read this play and every three seconds have to look down at the footnotes to figure out what was being said. Just. Speak. English, Shakespeare. I'm a 17 year old American girl who seriously doesn't care about your stupid horse.

So I went and got the Cliff Notes (which I believe are now called Spark Notes?). I read the Spark/Cliff Notes to King Lear. I took the 10 question plot quiz about King Lear. ....And got a 10 out of 10 on that quiz. Ten out of ten. Via Cliff Notes. I spent weeks really concentrating on the other books and couldn't even get 9 out of 10 right. I spent 3 hours on King Lear's Cliff Notes and got a perfect score.

There's a life lesson in that somewhere, but I feel it involves cheating and so I don't want to celebrate it too much. But here's a lesson from your Aunt Amy, kids: if they ever make you read Shakespeare alone, using the Spark Notes version is perfectly acceptable. Nobody gets hurt. And you'll get a perfect score on the quiz, with time to spare for the pool.

A BOOK THAT'S HIGHLY OVERRATED

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Good god, it's so horribly written. I think about all the wonderful books out there, all the books that could have and should have been made into movies by Ron Howard starring Tom Hanks that year, and I just want to weep that they picked this one. Please know: I love the concept behind it--I read it when it was first published because I was so fascinated by the ideas and the intrigue behind the story. I think Dan Brown did a really amazing job at some careful, extensive research.

But by page 40 of the book, I realized: oh god, this goes on for 556 more pages. Dear Dan Brown: they have things called thesauruses. And editors. These two tools are GOOD things for writers. And character development is always a good idea. And in real life nobody talks like these characters, Dan. And why are you re-telling the whole story at the end? Just end it, dammit. Wrap it up. Sincerely, all the other writers. 

Actually, to be fair to Dan Brown, I think he'd make an excellent screenplay writer. As I was reading the book, I kept thinking: they're going to make this into a movie. And then they did. And I thought the movie worked a lot better than the book. Dan, look into that! I bet Ron Howard will help you.

THE BOOKS I WISH I'D WRITTEN

Anything by Barbara Kingsolver, Jhumpa Lahiri, Elizabeth Gilbert, all of Mary Oliver's poems, and all of Anne Lamott's essays on life. 

I also wish I'd written Cutting for Stone by Abraham Vergese--what a sweepingly told story. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger--mind-blowing, heart-wrenching, and magical all at once. All of the books in Deb Harkness's A Discovery of Witches series--like Harry Potter and Twilight, but for grown up women. And she's a professor of history, so the scholarly research behind the stories is superb. 

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo, The God of Animals by Aryn Kyle, and The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison--all of these books are stories containing huge, deep life truths buried in gorgeously constructed, simple yet stunningly powerful sentences that speak to all humans, and will for ages. 

THE NOVELS PEOPLE MAY BE SURPRISED TO LEARN I LOVE

I love the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. At first, you think: oh, this sounds so trashy. But then you start reading and realize: no! This is a story. A beautiful story full of tremendous alchemy. Set in Scotland, with a lot of men running around talking English with Scottish accents. And a lot of sex. Win win win! 

WHAT I'D READ IF I WERE RESTRICTED TO ONE GENRE FOR LIFE

Time travel romance. Specifically time travel romances set in the Revolutionary War era. I read a book called Out of Time by Deborah Truscott once, and it ignited my imagination. It's the book that led me to the Diana Gabaldon series. And made me wish I didn't love hot/cold running water so much, and indoor plumbing. And vaccines. And being a feminist. Because otherwise, I could so get into being a British soldier's wench in 1776. 

THE LAST BOOK THAT MADE LAUGH...AND THE LAST BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY

Bossypants by Tina Fey. I laughed so hard I cried. So I'm going to use that as my answer for both.

MY FAVORITE MOVIE VERSIONS OF BOOKS
Oh, so many! Sometimes, movie makers get it SO wrong. But sometimes, Hollywood really gets it right and when that happens, I think it underscores why people tell stories in all different formats. I think you have to start with a good script--if they can write the novel in script format and it's good, there's your foundation. Add a thoughtful director, some gorgeous cinematography, talented actors, a careful editor, producers who aren't total douchebags, backdrop it all with a mystical musical score that echoes through the soul, and ta da! Storytelling Magic. 

Some of the movies I think got it right:

The Wizard of Oz (it takes a lot of license with the book...but it sparked the sense of wonder and magic in children of all ages in 1939 and continues to mystify and delight people 75 years later, and so I think it's safe to say: this worked. Proof: I show it as contrast/compare to the book to 2nd graders each year, and they are always delighted--they've already seen it, are already in love with it, and can watch it over and over again)

Peter Pan (2003) (oh my god, what a beautiful movie--how this movie didn't blow up the box office and turn into a classic, I have no idea. Like The Wizard of Oz, they take some license, but it's just breathtakingly beautiful, and so it worked as well. Proof: I also show this as contrast/compare for the book each year, and they are just awed.)

Interview with a Vampire (it really just re-told the whole story in visual format, and did so in a hauntingly beautiful kind of way. Plus also: Brad Pitt. )

All the Harry Potter movies (I haven't technically seen all the Harry Potter movies, but I've seen bits and pieces of them and they are gorgeous things to behold.)

Dr. Zhivago (it makes me sad my mom didn't let my dad name me after the main character Lara. If I'd only known when I came out of the birth canal! I'd have argued for it. Also, I would like this movie's theme song to play whenever I walk into a room.)

The Godfather (This is the ONLY mafia movie I can watch over and over again and again. I actually think it's better than the book (please don't tell Mario Puzo I said that). Also, I would like this movie's theme song to play whenever I exit a room.)

WHAT I'M READING RIGHT NOW

I'm just finishing up The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert (please read this--it's magnificent). Then I'm moving on to The Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian. And I still need to start 11/22 by Stephen King (it's been in my e-reader since October).

SOMETHING I'VE WRITTEN THAT MAKES ME CRINGE....SOMETHING I'VE WRITTEN THAT MAKES ME PROUD

This summer I sat down and re-read a lot of my old journals, from 1998-present. Man, the late 90's and early 2000's were rough years for me. And Amy 2007 was just a wreck of a human being. All of it made me cringe. And pretty much a lot of what I write here makes me cringe when I go back and re-read it months later. 

I'm probably most proud of THIS entry. I think it's a bit too wordy, and I may actually have two essays in one, but it's about someone precious who helped me become who I am, and so. That's my proudest. 

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