I've had this blog since 2013. Quite a long time for me, someone who in the past liked to start, stop, and then restart blogs elsewhere. Like, all the time. I have a lot of memories here. This blog has kind of been my baby. It's chronicled who I am, where I'm at, what I'm going through...for two years. I've written silly ridiculous things, because at heart that's who I am. I've written about my little girl, who is my everything. I've written about the pain and sadness of endings. I've written about friendships and politics and crazy ass New Age stuff and all kinds of things. I wrote about the show DIG (on USA!) and my favorite actor Jason Isaacs visited, and liked what I wrote. And I've written about light and love and kindness, three things that matter so much to me. Even when these are not extended to me, or I get to a place of sheer rage and anger...I always return to light and love and kindness (eventually).
But mostly, I've just been here for a very long time, just sharing my life with whoever stumbles by. If this is you, thanks for reading.
I'm going to say good-bye to this place. Partly because I just don't feel like blogging anymore; the joy has been sucked out of it for me. This blog feels tainted and sad. I actually don't feel like writing either, but I'm assuming once this tremendous ICK has subsided I will get back to work on that. But blogging? I dunno. It's a crapshoot; this place served me well for a good two years - I took some risks here, I know, but I'm not someone who's willing to live her life holed up in fear. (Full disclosure: currently, I'm living my life holed up in fear.) Because I'm a single mother now with a young daughter, and I need to feel safe and I'll be flat out honest with you guys: I do not feel safe on the Internet right now.
The other day, I sat on the phone and cried in the ear of a police officer taking a report from me, relieved that I had a professional, official paper trail started but terrified I'd be in a situation at some point to have to actually use it. I'm currently researching temporary restraining orders. So you'll understand why an experience like that would kind of suck all the fun out of writing for a person, yes? You just have to be careful on the Internet, Internet. You can see I've removed all of my social media buttons...because they are all private now. As I will be on the Internet. For months and maybe years to come.
But my memories are here, and they matter to ME. I decided to leave this blog public because words are important, and our stories are real, and it all means we matter. Even the worst, most frightening parts. Because I firmly believe this: we are all beings of Light, even the most deeply disturbed and demented amongst us. We are ALL beings of Light. Some of us are lost in the dark, but there's a dim light in there somewhere. And those of us who aren't lost in the dark? We can love those who are...without having to talk to them ever again or agree to a lunch date. And if YOU are ever in a situation in which a part of the Internet scares the living daylights out of you, or someone you thought you knew takes a very ominous turn, please know you (1) are not alone, and (2) there are people and places you can seek out for help, and things you can do. And also know, and please burn this deep into your heart: you are here as a spiritual being, a being of light, having an experience. You don't owe anyone any explanations for any choices or decisions you make, and you don't have to prove who you are or how worthy you are, no matter what anyone says to or about you. Don't ever be manipulated into thinking you aren't kind and good and perfect, just as you are.
Take care of your Light. Stay safe in your Light. Don't let anyone else try to turn it off just because theirs did.
Many blessings to you,