30 Day Writing Challenge #1: weird traits.

Miss M is at her dad's for the week...I have laminating to cut out and grading to do, but I have just spent $100 on sparkly shit at Justice for a certain big girl's birthday present next week. Now I don't feel like doing any of that. 

Instead, I'm starting the Thirty Day Writing Challenge, wherein I pick a topic from this picture I stumbled upon on the Internet and write about it. I could go in order numbers 1-30, but that feels like following rules. And I don't follow rules. I make up my OWN constitutional by laws. I'm a renegade, a runaway rogue, a loose cannon rolling down a hill. Take your rules and stick 'em where the sun don't shine, Mr. Man. Rules are for fools, tools. (Okay. I'm done now.)

Here's what I'm writing about today: #25 - Four Weird Traits I Have.

I know. I KNOW!! Listen: it was reeeeealllly hard to narrow it down to JUST four. But I did it:

1. I talk to myself. Sometimes? I answer too. But as myself. Don't judge. I can sense you're judging me. I do not care. Because look - me and myself have some really great conversations, true heart to hearts. I am my own best pep talker, my very best psychotherapist. And I can be refreshingly honest and frank with myself when I'm in tough situations. And I'm always super super supportive of me when someone's been mean to me - that asshole! You're GREAT, Amy-self! They're totally jealous because they know they suck. And me and myself are just awesome excuse makers/partners in crime AND! We're hysterically funny comediennes - we make us laugh all the time. At really inappropriate things.

But sometimes, when I'm really sad, I'm really NOT the right person for myself to hang out with. Me and myself can really envision the entire planet in its soon-to-be apocalyptic state, zombies eating our face and everything, and we just want to crawl under the covers and stay there for 9 million weeks. That's when I turn on Damien Rice's song AMIE, and pretend he wrote it for me but accidentally misspelled my name. (I will forgive Damien Rice a billion things, just because he sings my name out loud.)

But when me and myself are in the car? We are THE best drivers on the road. And we make sure all the other drivers and themselves know it. 

2. I'm pretty much a walking dichotomy. Like, I'm a feminist...who likes to be dominated. And I don't do romance, but if you show up with one of my favorite kinds of flowers just because, my heart pretty much melts. And I'm not really much of a risk taker...but I crave adventure. And I can fall asleep so easy - I've literally fallen asleep on people...but I can't stay there; I wake up and can't go back to sleep. I have infinite patience for people who are 12 and younger, ZERO patience for people who are 13+. And I absolutely believe in magic...but yay Science. 

I'm all about the yin to my yang. (I think that's actually who's talking to each other every day: my yin and my yang.)

3. Long lines freak me the hell out, and I would rather turn right and then do a U turn than try to wait for the perfect opening to turn against traffic during rush hour. I will also travel 50 miles out of my way if it means not having to sit in a traffic jam; I am always looking for an escape route. (I think that last phrase is really paramount to #3: I AM ALWAYS LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE ROUTE.) 

4. I live for the eccentric. The more eccentric the better. I like to talk to eccentric people and listen to their weird takes on life. I like being around people with 10,000 tattoos on them, because I know every single tattoo has a story to it, and I want to hear every single one of them. People with facial piercings fascinate me. People who live off the grid on purpose fascinate me. People who think they're real witches and vampires fascinate me. I once took a writing class with a man who swore he could talk to animals (no, really - like if he got in the ocean with whales, he knew whale song...he chirped at birds and oinked at pigs and stuff)...he was my absolute favorite in the whole class (until he revealed himself to be a raging chauvinist, but that's a different blog post). 

Anybody who doesn't live under the culture-at-large's social norms fascinate me. I think it's because I kinda sorta want to join them, but I'm too boringly normal (other than, you know, I guess having philosophical conversations with myself). So thank god for vicarious living, and quirky character traits.  

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